Too much thinking,…

Posted 27 January 2009 by Kim in Blast from the Past, Pondering Life / 4 Comments

I have spent the last few days lost in thought, I guess.  I suppose coming to startling realizations about your past will do that to you!  It has definately made me think about some of the choices I have made in my life.  It made me wonder where and who I would be had I made different choices and taken a different path in my life.  It also made me think about the reasons why I made the choices that I did and wonder what else I could have been wrong about.  That is more than a little disturbing! 

 

 But those “what if’s” are almost as dangerous as regrets, and I certainly don’t believe in them.  But my “what if’s” are more about myself.  Sometimes it is hard to reconcile the me of the past with the me of now.  I get that people change, and they should.  But sometimes I feel like I have lost some important part of myself, something that made me ME.  And that is depressing as hell.  I feel like I have spent half my life pleasing other people and being what they what they wanted me to be and that has made me forget who I am sometimes.  And that pretty much sucks so I guess I better figure it out and fix it.

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4 responses to “Too much thinking,…

  1. Now Kiki you cannot go down this path its just not worth the emotional upheavel… You are not alone here though.. I went thrugh a patch where I was questioning, who I was? What did I like? Who did I like? What makes me laugh? You know all those things that patch together and make your character… Make up who you are, and let me tell you, I don’t think we ever really know who we are.. Situations can make us people who we never thought we were, people make us do things we never thought we do.. So I look at it now as that I will never really know who I am because I am continually evolving… Does that make sense!?

    I do really understand how you feel about the bit about others wanting you to be something your not.. I also understand the bit about looking after everyone else but you…

    I don’t think its something that you will ever figure out and fix, because who would you be if you was totally fixed, you wouldn’t question anything would you because you would be content with you are and then you would be blogging that you have become stale… LOL!!! life wins everytime *sighs*

    Kiki you will find who you are, you have just got a little lost over time *smooch*

  2. Yes the me I am today is one that has come from a past that I might not be 100% proud of all the time, but it took me here. The me I am in constantly changing and that includes the me from the past … she changed into me now. What I am saying is you can’t get lost in the what ifs ~ those are super dangerous. I got lost in those one time and nearly destroyed my marriage. You will find out who you are and it won’t be long either. Just be patient and know that you didnt go to the what if path because of who you were … which made who you are.

  3. Kiki, I see where you’re going with this and you can’t let yourself get down. My suggestion to you is this: DO something for YOU…for KIKI. Something that you wouldn’t normally do, something that you’ve wanted to do for a while, that you’ve put off because you’ve been raising kids or taking care of others. I don’t think that decisions you’ve made throughout your life are wrong decisions or ones that you should question. What I do think is that we, as mothers and wives, tend to lose ourselves in those roles. I did that. I lost myself. So, when I graduated college a few years ago, I decided to become a flight attendant…not utilizing any of my three degrees!! Why? Because it is something that “I” have always wanted to do. And what happened? I finally found myself. Is any of this making any sense whatsoever? I’m sorry…just trying to help! Keep your chin up, girl!

  4. Oh Kiki you are not alone with how you feel at this moment. I know that you feel lost but really you are not. It is hard to be a wife and mother because we feel we have lost ourselves and our life revolves around those two roles. It’s worse with being a Military wife when you have to take on the third roll of stand in dad while he’s deployed. But all of this makes up who you are…who Kiki is! The best thing I can tell you if so make it a point to do something for you at least once a week…nails, hair, quiet time with a book and tea! Slowly but surely you will piece those things about you back together and you’ll find yourself. Make it a point to do something that you always wanted to do but just couldn’t see yourself as a Mom and Wife doing it. We are all here to support you hun! Always! Heart

    )0( Goddess Bless )0(