What the HELL?!
It is a damn good thing that I am somewhat level-headed. Not only is it good for a group of junior high boys, but it is good for me, too. Why? Because orange prison jumpsuits look AWFUL on me! Oh, you mean, why is it good for them? Because they could have had me going combat on their asses! The high school kids have their own bus now so the bus that the younger three ride is all elmentary and junior high kids. You would think that is a pretty tame, non-partying kind of crowd, right?! NOT!!! Scott got home and came out to me and told me he wanted to show me something he learned from one of the older boys. Whereupon he does that penis-framing moves that guys do and yells “SUGGIT, Mom!”. I FLIPPED OUT! There is no other way to describe the situation other than that. The conversation went something like this,…
Scott: SUGGIT, Mom!
Mom: Excuse me?! What the hell did you just say?
Scott: I said “SUGGIT, MOM!”
Mom: Are you KIDDING me? Do you know what that means?!
Scott: The boys told me it was French for “hi”!
Mom: It most certainly is not!!! I SPEAK French, trust me, that is NOT what it means!!
Scott: What does it mean then?
Mom: You are 7 years old and you do NOT need to know.
Scott: Is it bad?
Mom: Hell, yeah. COMPLETELY inappropriate to say to ANYONE, much less your mom.
Scott: I didn’t know it was bad.
Mom: Fine, but that little hand gesture was WAY out of line and you should know better.
Scott: Why is it bad? I just hit my legs.
Mom: Is that what those boys told you?
Mom: Well, it is a VERY rude gesture that refers to your penis. It is VERY inappropriate for ANY guy to do, much less a 7yo.
Scott: I’m sorry, Mom. I love you.
Mom: I love you, too. Do not do that again, okay?
You would think that would end it, huh? NO! A few minutes later, I heard him walking down the hall talking to himself, something he does all the time. But, considering the conversation that we had just had, I listened. And what did I hear? “Why would boys lick a cat? That is just gross!” WTF? So, another conversation ensued,…
Mom: Scott, get in here. What were you saying in the hall?
Scott: I was wondering about why the boys told me that boys like to lick cats. That is just gross.
Mom: Licking cats?! I don’t get it either. Tell me the whole conversation.
Scott: They said that boys are supposed to lick pussies and that they like it. I think licking a cat is disgusting. I wouldn’t lick Darla or Steer.
Mom: Holy shit. I can’t take this today.
Scott: What’s wrong? Does it make you sick, too?
Mom: Let’s just say that this another subject that you are too young for.
Scott: I don’t get it.
Mom: You don’t need to. Please do NOT talk about this again, ESPECIALLY in public. It means something completely different than what you think and it isn’t appropriate.
Scott: Okay, Mom. I don’t get it, but okay.
Mom: Please try to NOT talk to these boys again, okay?
This is where I proceeded to have a breakdown. I immediately called the bus garage to report the inappropriate conversations so that they could keep an eye on it. As it turns out, the monitor had caught them and all three boys had already been suspended from the bus for a week. They had been about to call me when I called them in my emotional crisis. Holy crap. That is all I have.