Craziness. That is the word of the times. Moving across the country with three kids, two cats, one dog, and two cars. Leaving one college-age kid behind. Leaving family and friends behind. All of this leads to crazy emotional roller coasters.
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My 42d birthday was this past Sunday. Yep, that's me. The 42 year old woman with blazin' blue hair, as opposed to my usual, more sedate hot pink. Discretion and subtlety are boring, n'est-ce pas?! I don't mind age; it's just a number. Of course, my attitude about it is probably influenced by the fact that no one ever guess that I am the age that am! But, alas, I am a cougar, 9 years older than my lovely husband, something I am not so secretly quite proud of! So birthdays and aging don't bother me.
Most of my dysfunctionally functional family gathered at my favorite local cantina for one last dinner together before we leave. There was much laughter, much giggling. There was even a fried ice cream, complete with sparkler, that was delivered to me amid much singing. There was blushing on my part! Then we left for the park to indulge in the opening of gifts and cake eating.
I always get myself my own birthday cake, and this year was no exception. The cake lady always laughs at me for what I have written on it. Not with me, AT me. But that's okay. I like my cakes. I watched my 3yo nephew happily smear it all over his face before resuming his chase with my boys around the park. I watched my stepsister's boyfriend do as much chasing with her little one and mine as they themselves did.
And then the craziness began. My brother had to work early the next morning, and had a two hour drive home. That's when the craziness threatened to overtake me. A hint, blue eyeliner and mascara, even if it DOES match your hair, is not a good choice when there are going to be emotional farewells. My brother and I are close, very close, and knowing I am not going to see him for a long time? It kills me. In many ways, it has been him and I against the world. A team. I have been spoiled, being stationed here as long as I have. It has allowed me to get used to being in one spot, not something that is normal in Army life. And I am going to be leaving and it is hard.
That was just the beginning of the goodbyes. My stepmother was next. And then tomorrow, I am helping my ex-stepmother and my brother Michael move him into the dorms of his new college. The last act for a long time as a big sister. It's going to kill me. And then tomorrow, my son goes back to college. I will see him once more before I leave, as we roll through his city on the way to our new destination, but it will only be for moments. THAT is really going to kill me. And I have one more shot at my parents, and that will be that for who knows how long. And the goodbyes with friends have started, ad they are so hard. But I have one final stop to make. The cemetary. To say goodbye to my grandparents. I left after my grandfather died, but my grandmother was still alive, my connection. This time, when I leave, I leave knowing I am leaving them behind. I know that their souls are no longer here, that they will always be with me, but this place is my connection to them.
Grandma Ethel & Grandpa Vern
And this is where today's Wishcasting Wednesday comes in. What do you wish to learn?
My answer? I want to learn to relax, to zen out a little. My husband tells me that I am the one person in the world who has no real clue how to relax. Physically, mentally, in any way. And he is right. I suck at relaxing. I don't even know how it is possible to be a epic failure at such a thing, But I am. I can't even relax when he is trying to massage my shoulders. What I think is relaxed apparently feels like hardened concrete to him! There is value in being able to relax. It's good for the mind, the body, and the soul. It's healing in so many ways and I need some of that. So that is what I wish for myself.
What do you wish for?