Today's wish is about saying "yes". This sounds so very simple, the simple act of saying or thinking "yes," of giving yourself permission to do whatever it is that you need to do. But there is nothing simple about it, at least not yet and not for me. Why is it so hard? There are a ton of reasons why, all of which can seem insurmountable sometimes. Fear, self-doubt, anger and resentment, life. There is always that fear, wrapped tightly in self-doubt, that I will never be good enough, no matter what I do, at anything. The fear of failure, of what others will think of me and whatever I do. And the anger and resentment. I have a lot of it, with certain things that happen over and over. That just adds to the feeling that you are a failure, when those that are supposed to love you continue to hurt you. It's draining and it colors everything in your life, until you can't see past it. I had a realization not so long ago, one that hurt me to the core, one I am not even close to over. I realized that there is a cold, harsh fact about my life and the people in it. And that is that, by and large, anyone I have ever cared for or loved, has cared for or loved me far less than I have them. Friends, family, relationships. Sometimes that makes me angry as hell, but the rest of the time it just feeds the self-doubt. Life itself can get in the way, too. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day, to be so defined by your role in life that you box yourself in, that you forget your identity as YOU.
So what do I want to say yes to?
♥ Yes to remembering what it was that made me fiery, and embracing it.
♥ Yes to being true to myself, no matter what.
♥ Yes to finding the good, even when it seems like there isn't any.
♥ Yes to being open, even when I hurt.
♥ Yes to letting go of the anger and resentment. (This is a big one for me, one I am having all kinds of issues with.)
♥ Yes to taking care of myself… physically, spiritually, and emotionally. The first thing that goes is me, and that has to change.
♥ Yes to believing in myself.
You are walking a path that belongs to you. The compass you need is in your heart. Honor yourself. Feel your truth in your throat like sweet honey. Let your heart bloom outward, a beautiful complex rose. There's nothing about you that isn't beautiful and no place on your path that isn't sacred.
–Lori-Lyn Hurley (a Facebook status this morning)