It sounds so cliché, but sometimes it’s true. On Tuesday, the world lost a light. Amber lost her multiyear battle with esophageal cancer. And a battle it was. It was a back-and-forth between treatment and remission, treatment and remission, treatment, treatment, treatment. She and her family went through so much with it, so much more than anyone should ever have to. Through it all, she was a light. I’m not saying she was some sort of positivity Pollyanna. She wasn’t. She was angry about it sometimes, frustrated a lot. As she should’ve been. But what she was was strong. She faced every bit of it as a warrior, using often irreverent humor to deal with the it. And even when she was going through the worst of it, she was unerringly compassionate toward those around her. My heart breaks for her family, for everyone was touched by her, as I was.
Grief is a weird thing. No matter how much you know death is coming, you’re never prepared. I knew it with both of my grandparents, my parents, friends. But still… you’re never ready for it. I’ve lost so many people over the course of my life, and so many of those from cancer, but it’s not something you ever get used to. And I’m never prepared for how grief affects me. In the throes of fresh sadness, it’s as if I’m once again experiencing the loss of all of those who came before. All of them are heavy on my mind, although they’re never far from me.
My heart hurts.
Leave a Reply