I would appreciate some good drugs.

Muscle relaxers, painkillers, throat soothers, something.  Along with a tall Swede named Sven who gives good massage.  This would be a fine time for all my cabana boys to seek me out, all at the same time.  How do I adequately describe the pain I am currently in?  There is a spot at the base of my neck on the left, just where it begins to be less neck and more shoulder.  And that spot feels like a group of bricklayers have tunnelled in and have started creating a wall.  Then as we travel to the back of my body, to the, um,… back, we have a whole other set of painful areas.  It kind of feels like I have an alien being trying to get out of my host body by driving itself out through my spine area.  The ridges of muscle parallel to my spine feel like they are in ever-tightening vice grips.  Then we travel down to the small of my back , which is burning and when you touch it, it feels like it is bruised.  It isn’t.  Pretty much if there is a joint, I ache in it.  And if that isn’t enough, my throat feels like there are small knives embedded in my glands and tonsils.  One problem with this, however.  I HAVEN’T HAD TONSILS FOR ALMOST 35 YEARS!!  So, I am pretty sure that theory is out.

Basically, I feel like ass.  I have been awake since 0341 and slept for perhaps 1 hour and 15 minutes before that, tops.  Delightful.  I am having fantasy after fantasy about a tall Swede named Sven with great hands, good for massage.  Or even Kwan Li, small and strong as an ox.  I could even live with Olga, the Black Forest German lady with attitude.  Help.  Me.  Please.