When life gives you lemons, stop eating citrus,…

That is my basic outlook on life right now.  For a lot of reasons.  But one is overwhelming me right now, and I am really having a hard time getting straight with it.

My dad has prostate cancer.  I can’t even type it without starting to lose it.  I think most of it is just the word.  Cancer.  Is there any other word that can trigger such intense emotions?  According to preliminary reports, all pre-oncologist, the prognosis is as good as it can be.  But I am, and probably will remain, somewhat skeptical until we here it from the oncologist, which won’t be until 22 September.  Supposedly, the carcinoma is fairly small, although the prostate itself is rather enlarged.  There are limited options for him at this point, too, mostly because of his overall health outside of the cancer.  Surgery has been taken off the table completely because it would be too dangerous for him.  There is seed radiation, but because of where the cancer is, it would be less than optimally effective.  There is also focused radiation, but again, because of where the cancer is, the side effects because of other parts of the body it would hit would almost make it worse than having the cancer alone.  Right now, he is on meds to shrink the size of the enlarged prostate.  Although it isn’t the med’s purpose, a side effect is that it slows, or can even stop, the growth of the cancer.  Typically, prostate cancer is slow-growing as it is.  So, right now, the inclination is to go with just the meds and to actively track the cancer to make sure it doesn’t spread or grow.

I understand the logic, but I guess the thought of leaving the cancer in there just bothers me.  But all I can do is be supportive.  I know all these things with my head, but my heart isn’t nearly as logical and practical.  My heart is flipping out and I can’t stop it.