1.31.2011 | Monday

Where do you find it?

category: Bitches & Moans
tag(s): ,

reading time: 2 minutes

Sometimes I think that is the biggest obstacle in my life right now,… the lack of inspiration.  It is so easy to fall in a rut when you are a stay at home mom and wife.  Your whole world revolves around your family until you feel like you have lost yourself.  You feel like you aren’t much more than an empty shell sometimes.  It is very easy for your family to take you for granted, to not appreciate you and all you do for them.  That is something that I am having a very hard time with right now.  I have tried and tried to talk to them about it, and it really goes in one ear and out the other.  A never ending cycle that has left me rather lost and sad, completely uninspired about my life.  I am alone, even in a house full of people.  It is so much easier for them to ignore me and anything that is going on with me than to take the time and effort to do something about it.

We are running out of time before Corey deploys again, just a few more weeks,  But I can’t get him to see beyond the end of his own nose when it comes to how miserable I am.  If he isn’t connected to the xBox or the Wii, or the DX, or his book, it’s the iTouch.  He hears nothing I say; I get grunts and grumbles instead of conversation.  He won’t even tear his eyes away from what he is doing long enough to listen to anything I say.  I am competing with completely inanimate objects for value and it sucks.  It hurts.  Last night, I left the room before 7pm, and I don’t think he even noticed.  I never heard from him until I came out to get something more than 3 hours later.

I am completely uninspired by anything.  I am bored and sad and nothing sparks anything in me anymore.  I remember the days when I felt fun and interesting and I miss that.  I miss having value.  Where do you find inspiration when you are so not happy?

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