9.17.2010 | Friday


category: Bitches & Moans, Kid Tales
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reading time: 2 minutes

I love my guys, I really do.  But sometimes they can be disgusting little creatures.  :-&  The current man child that is revolting me, even hours later, is Ty.  At 6, almost 7 years old, he has reached extraordinarily high levels of grossness.  The child, while brilliant in other areas, has absolutely no understanding of why the Mama does not enjoy inadvertantly sitting in someone else’s pee.  I am relatively certain that he suffers from some as of yet undiagnosed, mystery disease that renders him incapable of lefting the seat before draining the lizard.  I have tried, rather unsuccessfully, to help him with some behaviorial techniques, ranging from yelps of disgust & snarkiness to repeated nagging reminders.  None of it seems to be helping and I am pretty sure that a remote-controlled bark collar is out of the question.

But this is mild, although related to, compared to the disgust that I felt this morning.  Once again, the Pee Monster Ty failed to lift the seat when taking his morning whiz.  :-|  By the time I noticed the manifestation of his disease, it was too late as he was mid-stream.  With a half-scream, half-growl, I informed him that he needed to clean the glistening yellow droplets off my toilet seat.  He complied, and as he did, his nose dripped.  Allergies suck.  But what sucks more is what happened next.  The single square of toilet paper he was using to clean the pee off the seat traveled from seat to nose because a dripping nose is a dirty nose.  I squeeled like a piglet on crack as I lunged for it.  But, like most things, I didn’t get there in time.  >:P  Yes, my child wiped his nose with the pee-dripped toilet paper.  And I overcompensate in the throes of my horror and knocked him off his feet and into the tub, still dressed, although his man panties were around his ankles.  Better yet, that meant the man twig and berries were exposed and apparently fear makes you pee.  I know this because I took a stream in the boobs.

Life with boys.  Always an adventure,…  :wth

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