3.19.2009 | Thursday

F*&k my life,…

category: Pondering Life

reading time: 2 minutes

A quote from my friend Jess’ husband Matt that seems appropriate today.  Nothing new happened, just stuff catching up to me, I guess.  This last year has been ridiculous with losing people that I know and/or care about.  And as the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing approaches, I think itis hitting me harder and harder.  There are times when I swear I am losing my mind, though.  I have never been one of those people that is overly sad or depressed or crazy sentimental about random stuff.  But I certainly am now, and it sucks.  It is completely random crap that will set me off and I feel like I am losing my sanity.  Corey insists that I am not but I think he is just trying to be nice AND thanking all that is above that he isn’t here to deal with me!  Nah, I think he has a point.  He thinks I just haven’t let myself grieve my grandmother and my friends that I have lost this last year the way I need to.  He says I am always taking care of everyone else, and I don’t give myself the time of day and that I need to.  That breaking down once in awhile is healthy and probably exactly what I need.  But that is so much easier said than done.  For one thing, it seems like just as soon as I start to get over that edge of grieving, someone else dies and it brings it all back again.  For another, just day to day life gets in the way of being able to take care of myself, physically OR emotionally, especially with Corey deployed.  Between kids, friends, family, and random responsibilities, there is always something going on that needs to be taken care of and that just doesn’t leave a lot of time for me.  Sometimes it seems like all I do is take care of other people and I am left hanging, at loose ends and lost.  Oh, well, I will get over it, as I always do.

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3 responses to “F*&k my life,…

  1. selina

    Wow, I think I have written this exact scenario myself…no wonder we are friends. It is important that you force the time for yourself, whether its 30 minutes or a day, find it somewhere, someway, somehow. I know all too well that is easier said than done. Keeping the emotions inside leads to quite the explosion when you do finally let them out. :( It took me years to open up to anyone, even my mom, but she is a good listener..she does that for a lving! Go see her sometime. :D


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