9.9.2009 | Wednesday

Do I speak in Swahili?!

category: Daily Drama, Kid Tales, WTH?!
tag(s): , ,

reading time: 3 minutes

I mean, I know I am a trained linguist and all, but Swahili is NOT one of the languages I studied.  But it is the only explanation I can come up with that explains the blank looks and clear lack of understanding that I get from my children.  In particular, my middle two,… this time. 

It started last night with Scott and Ty, mostly Scott.  There is a table in Ty’s room that has become a dumping ground for sheets and blankets and assorted crap.  So I asked Scott, with Ty’s help, to fold up all the sheets and blankets and then put it neatly on the shelves in the closet.  So, about a ½ hour later, out comes Ty, who informs me that the table won’t fit in the closet.  WHAT?  Apparently what I said and what came out were two different things.  Apparently it came out in Swahili, and Scott translated it back into English.  That is my only explanation for it. 

What Mama said:  Scott, you and Ty need to fold the blankets and sheets on the table and then put them neatly on the shelves in Ty’s closet, okay?
What Scott heard:  Scott, you and Ty dump everything on the table onto the floor and then put the big table in the little closet, okay?

Wow.  That is all I have.  Now, moving on to this morning,…

On school mornings, I keep an empty laundry basket on top of the low chest at the end of the hall by the bathroom.  In it goes hoodies, socks, and anything else that needs to be transported from the bathroom/bedroom part of the house to the living room/kitchen.  It is Ty’s morning job to take that basket down when he is showered and dressed and ready for breakfast.  This morning, when I woke up Scott and Ka’lani, I told them both to grab hoodies and drop them in the basket because it was going to be chilly at the bus stop.  Scott grabbed one and headed out to shower.  He apparently had no problem with my Swahili.  This, however, was where Ka’lani became lost.  He just stood there and looked at me, took of his t-shirt, put it in the dirty laundry basket and looked at me again, completely blank.  Um, okay.  So I repeated the hoodie thing.  He picked up the dirty t-shirt, put it back on and stood in the middle of the room, just stood there.    From there, he claimed to not be able to find one.  Of course, looking would have helped that.  Finally, exasperated and in a hurry, I sent him to shower.  In the end. Scott went to retrieve a hoodie for him.  What the hell?!

What Mama said:  Guys, it is going to be chilly at the bus stop this morning so grab a hoodie and toss it in the basket, okay?
What Ka’lani heard:  Take off your shirt, stand there, put it back on, go stand in the middle of your room, okay?

Oh, my.  And it didn’t end there.  Today is picture day for Ka’lani.  Last night, when he brought his clothes for today to me for approval, I gave it, thinking he had a different shirt in his pile than he did.  Seeing him dressed this morning, the shirt was a no go.  So I told him to go change it, even specifically telling him which one to put on.  No guesswork needed.  I also told him that when he was finished with that, he needed to bring me the picture day envelope that he had put in his backpack last night, along with a pen.  A ½ hour later, still no enevelope and pen.  So I asked.  And he stood there.  After 5 tries, I finally got him to bring it.  He had completely forgotten and blanked on bringing it to me, and I knew it.  All he had to do was admit he forgot.  But instead, it was one nonsensical lie on top of another, NEVER a great idea.  The quickest and easiest way to get INto trouble is to drag it out with BS instead of just ‘fessing up at the start.

By the time they all left for school,… I was ready to bash my own head against a wall.  One SlimFast and one cup of coffee later,…. I still want to bash it, just not as hard.  CALGON!!!

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2 responses to “Do I speak in Swahili?!

  1. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg this had me cracking up to no end cause apparently mothers are fluent in Swahili. Then again, maybe all children hear things in Charlie Brown lingo. Wah waaahhh wah wah wah comes out of all adult mouths.


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