9.14.2012 | Friday

Inner Journey: Day 3

category: Mama Drama
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reading time: 2 minutes

Day 3 of the Beautiful Body Acceptance Inner Journey is here, my hardest day yet.

Today's daily affiirmation…

I accept and love all of my flaws, through that love and acceptance they are transformed into my strengths.

Yeah, not so easy.  In fact, not easy at all.  Pretty much impossible at this point.  But today has not been the best of days so that just makes me feel even worse about myself.  I think any headway I have made has been basically shot in the butt today.  Feeling like I want to spend the evening in a corner crying doesn't do much for the ego and self-acceptance.

Today's journaling prompt…  How do you feel about society's view on what is beautiful? How does your body measure up? Does this influence your opinion about your body?

I think society's view of what is or isn't beautiful is completely and thoroughly skewed.  And I say this not just because I am on the fluffy side.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.  I don't think beauty is only found in a size 0, stick-thin chick without a curve.  Queen Latifah is no size 0 and I think she is stunning.  

I really believe that, even though I can't seem to apply that same sentiment to myself.  The fact is, I don't measure up.  And I hate it.  I don't need to be a size 0, but this isn't doing it for me.  And going shopping for clothes just proves it to me.  Clothes for fluffy girls, in a word, suck.  If you want anything fashionable, cute, and hip, you are out of luck, especially if you are on an Army wife's budget.  You generally have a choice of Muumuu A and Muumuu B.  I hate it.  I absolutely hate shopping because of that.  When I have time, I make my own clothes.  But sometimes there are things I just can't buy or I just don't have time to sew.  And that makes me feel even worse.  I walk by rack after rack of cute "skinny girl" and I feel even crappier about my ass.  It sucks and is a major stumblng block for me.

My homework for today is almost impossible for me to do.  Taking lots of pics of myself and then doing something arty with them to make something beautiful.  Yeah, not having an easy time with that.  I don't want to see myself, much less have photographic evidence of myself.  But I will do this, even if it is baby steps at a time.  I also had to write a love letter to myself.  Also difficult, considering my current frame of mind, but I am working on it.  It may be a work of progress, but it is important, so I will do it.  

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