Judging from my interactions with my children lately, I am pretty sure that the water must be tainted with some kind of psychotropic drug that only affects juveniles, particularly those 9 and under. Either that, or they have been possessed by small green beings from some as of yet undiscovered planet, the future planet Drive-A-Mom-Nuts.
For example, this morning, Ty started to cry while brushing his teeth for some reason unknown to anyone else on this plane of reality. I question him about it and he tells me it is because I said a bad word. Now, admittedly, I have been known to salt my language with creative and colorful words from time to time,… to time, to time, to time,…! Well, you get the idea. HOWEVER, I had not as of yet done so. Upon further torture interrogation conversation, I deduced that he decided I had called him bad. Since I had, as of yet, not had a reason to do so, I was pretty sure that I had done no such thing. After further conversation, and a few well placed armpit pokes, it was determined that he had hallucinated. At least, that was my deduction and he giggled, positive affirmation in my eyes.
Then there was Scott, in his room dressing. He was finishing up as I walked by his open door. I glanced in and stopped in my tracks. He stood there in jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and a polo over that. Fantastic. Except the polo was on backwards. Seriously, dude, how do you not notice the collar,… IN YOUR FACE??? And he didn’t. And when I pointed it out? He looked at me like I was the idiot. Um, really?!
I have smart children, really I do. And I am not just trying to make myself feel better. I have written proof that they are in the form of report cards. So,… WHAT THE HELL?!