Ah, my long lost blog,…

Posted 9 November 2011 by Kim in Mama Drama / 1 Comment

I am such a bad blogger.  I used to make it a part of my daily routine, but I have definitely fallen away from that for a whole bunch of reasons.  I guess part of it was just that I was so frustrated with my life that it felt like I was writing the same things day after day.  I rarely get visitors anymore, especially with Facebook,  so I guess I lost motivation, too.  But blogging for me isn’t necessarily about the visitors so much as it is about the ability to vent for myself.  It doesn’t help that I went back to school this fall, which has definitely added to the fray because I don’t seem to have two seconds to myself anymore.

I don’t believe in regret, but not finishing school has been as close to it as I have been.  So I went back this fall, double majoring in English with a concentration in creative writing and in History with a concentration in medieval studies.  I’m going full-time, 4 classes this semester, and I had no idea how much of a chunk of my life it was going to take.  I study from the time the kids leave for school until bed time every night, and on weekends, too.  I thought, before I started, that it would be much easier to maintain the work load since all the kids are in school.  How wrong I was!  I am always complaining about how the men of the house just don’t realize or give me credit for all I do as a SAHM.  Well, I have realized that even I haven’t given myself credit.  I think I took myself for granted.  And that’s where I am having problems.

What the kids don’t get, despite repeated conversations before and since I started classes, is that I didn’t give anything up to go back to school.  I was always busy as a SAHM before school, and now I have added probably another two times the work load.  Add to it that Corey is deployed and it means that I need a little help sometimes.  And it seems like that is a losing battle.  I don’t expect much for them, because most days  I can still do it all.  But there are days when I just can’t.  And on those days, I may need help folding laundry, or running the vacuum, or helping with dinner.  And the biggest thing they could do is just pick up after themselves so I don’t have to.  I just don’t think it is too much to ask that, if you have created a mess, you clean it up.  That’s it.

I feel like there ought to be something I can say, some way I can make them understand.  I feel like there has to be a better way to get some cooperation.  But I am not finding it.  It is all to easy to take a SAHM for granted.  It has gotten to the point sometimes that I have seriously considered finishing this semester and not going back.  But this is something I really want, and Goddess knows, I have devoted a good portion of my life to everyone else, my family especially.  I deserve to do this.  And if I quit, I might never go back and I would resent it, pure and simple.  But I wonder if the cost is going to be my sanity.

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One response to “Ah, my long lost blog,…

  1. I don’t know if familys realize what we sahm do for them much of the time. My family just takes it for granted I will always pick up after them and all the screaming at them and the tears of frustration over the years at some point I just gave up trying to make them be more co-operative. I hope you have more luck than myself getting your family to help. I found it interesting the subjects you are studying I have been thinking about going back to school and studying english next year and focusing on mythology studies as well as history so i can get my ncea certificate so I can go to polytech. Good luck with everything kim Smile