Bubble wrap & a muzzle, oh, my!

reading time: 2 minutes

I am not entirely sure which of those days this particular day is.  I do know that there is some reason to think that perhaps I should have stayed in bed, preferably wrapped in bubble wrap and wearing a muzzle.

I started the day with a blue eye.  Not black and blue.  Just blue.  Hence the bubble wrap.  I was dressed and beautifying when I learned an important lesson involving cosmetic application and sleepy 7 year old boys.  I was delicately applying liquid liner in a lovely, electric blue when the aforementioned child stumbled into me.  Instantly, the eye was flooded with the very same lovely, electric blue.  Wearing a contact only helped the situation.  Please note sarcasm in the previous statement.  The actual truth?  It stung and it hurt like a mofo.  It was not pleasant.  10 minutes later, the contact and my eye were once again blue-free.  Delightful.

Then came the grocery store.  I don’t think either bubble wrap or the muzzle (to be discussed in a moment) would have helped this particular situation.  As I stood in front of the cereal, 2 of the Price Chopper girls came down the aisle, stopping a few feet from me.  I am pretty sure that I was both complimented and insulted within the same conversation.  One of them commented that she missed my normally crazy colored hair.  That was the compliment, to which I responded that it would be crazy again in a few more days.  The other girl looked me over from head to toe, and back again.  Then she informed me that I was “fearless” in how I dressed “and stuff” for a woman of “my age”.  Uh, WTF?!  I’m 40, not 80.  And what is wrong with how I am dressed.  I am wearing an ankle-length “hippy” skirt in white with blues, greens and turquoises.  I have on a white tank and a kelly green zip hoodie & matching flip flops.  Scandalous I am not.  She had a particular problem with my hair, if I read her face snarl correctly.  It’s light blonde and chin-length and is currently pulled back into 2 short, punk pigtails.  Again, scandalous I am not.  The girl will probably have apoplexy when she sees my upcoming weird hair.

Then I came home and had a conversation,…

New neighbor: Is that your truck?

Me (sitting in said truck): Nope, I stole it.  <sarcastic laughter>

New neighbor: Seriously? I’m calling the cops.

Me: I was just kidding! Really, it’s mine.

New neighbor: I don’t believe you. I’m calling the cops.

Me: It was a joke.The police left my house just a little while ago.

I learned a lesson from it. Never pull a Jeff Foxworthy “here’s your sign” on people that don’t know you.

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