My “fluffy bunny” happy attitude seems to be AWOL. Between children and adult drama, I think my brain and patience level are thoroughly deep fried. And because I certainly don’t want to deal with any more drama, a good portion of it is just brewing inside me, making me a human pressure cooker. If I explode, it won’t be pretty.
I am convinced that my 9yo hates me. Or he has decided to finally have those terrible two’s now that he never really had then. Or it is an evil experiment to see how far he can push his mama before she begins to speak in tongues and drool. Either way, it ain’t good for the mama. But I do have to give him credit. He isn’t focusing all of his energy on any one thing; instead, he is spreading the frustration in as many areas as he can. It’s like a blitzkrieg on Mama’s sanity. And I am pretty sure he is winning. Every day is a struggle, and it isn’t even new and different. I am pretty certain that I must be speaking in Swahili, although I consciously know no Swahili. Nonetheless, I think that is what happening, based on a number of indicators. For one thing, when air passes through my vocal cords and they begin to vibrate in an audible manner, my child looks at me as if he is trying so very hard to comprehend the meaning of the sounds coming from my mouth, but he just can’t understand. Generally he responds to my utterings, indicating comprehension, but based on the fact that most of what I am saying is generally ignored, I think he is just faking the understanding. But not all of our problems are because of the apparent language barrier. Language isn’t an issue when he constantly butts into a conversation and puts his two cents in, generally in a conversation about which he knows very little. I also love being corrected by a 9yo. It’s even better when they are wrong. I am exasperated.
But it isn’t just the small human beings that are trying my patience. It is the big ones, too. Between the snarkiness and the bad behavior and total lack responsibility for that behavior, it is a miracle that I am not adding a bit of Stoli to my morning java. Some of the excuses are just out of control. Yeah, sometimes there are mitigating reasons for the bad behavior, but sometimes that just means that, as an adult, if you know those reasons exist, then you have the extra responsibility of ensuring you don’t take stuff out on other people that haven’t done anything to deserve. And sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with it. Sometimes you are just a bitch.