Blah. That basically sums up my mood. About all I ever really feel like doing lately is cry or scream out of frustration/exasperation. It’s a fabby way to go through your day. I have started and restarted this blog post about a bazillion times today, trying to write in a more humorous, light-hearted way, but I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it just ain’t gonna happen. Too much stress in too many parts of my life doesn’t a funny blog make.
And I gotta be honest, no small part of me wonders why I care. A big part of the reason I have been having trouble writing is because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But it occurs to be that those that could get those hurt feelings are the very ones that clearly don’t give a crap about mine. Sometimes trying to take the high road is not only a lonely path, but also one that leaves me feeling like the road itself. Walked on and taken for granted.
It’s frustrating and exhausting. It frequently feels like I just can’t escape, even in my own house. Let’s just say that living in a house of males as the lone female can be less than idyllic. Besides the inherent bodily noises, smells, and general messiness/grossness, I generally feel like I am completely alone and being ganged up on. It’s all too easy for them all to dismiss me, in one ear and out the other, the lone female. Sometimes I think the word “mom” is a synonym for “feelingless robot maid”. What really bites is that the worst offender currently in the house is the one who is most definitely old enough to know better. And those attitudes spread. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.
But it goes beyond the confines of my own house. Family, too, family that hardly acknowledges my existence, except when I reach out to them. Nice. I live 30 miles away so apparently that’s too far. I feel like a stranger in my own family.
And friends, friends who hardly ever talk to me or give me the time of day until they want something. I always love it when they ask you how you are, but really don’t give a damn. You try to talk to them and they either cut you off, change the subject, or (my favorite) don’t even acknowledge anything you have said before moving on to their favorite subject, themselves. Talk about making a girl feel completely worthless.