Blogstipation

I have been suffering from massive blogstipation for days, a term coined by my friend Dan to describe my inability to put my thoughts into words.  Usually my blog is the one place where I can let it all out, vent my frustrations, and be done with it.  But, for whatever reason, I just haven’t been able to make the leap from mind to blog.  I am so completely overwhelmed and completely lost these days that I sometimes don’t know which end is up.  There are things that need to change in my life, and nothing seems to be working in that direction.  I guess I had really hoped that it would be different this time, easier for change to happen.  The fact that it isn’t changing has thoroughly demoralized me and left me feeling like hell.  It hurts that it is such an uphill battle when it shouldn’t have to be a battle at all.  I resent the hell out of the fact that I am still having to fight for things that I should be able to expect.  It makes me feel completely unloved and worthless.  So there I am, trying to muddle my way through and find some happiness on the other side.