Today has been one of those days where I am thoroughly and completely depressed. I think it is just a whole bunch of stuff just hitting me today and it completely sucks. It probably doesn’t help that I watched PS. I Love You last night and it was beyond sad. That movie just completely got to me and I bawled pretty much the whole way through it. Probably not the best movie to watch when your husband is in a war zone across the globe from you!
It doesn’t help that I don’t get to talk to him very often, either. The cell phones in Afghanistan are ridiculously expensive so we opted not to get one, something I still stand behind. And, at the time, we didn’t really see the point, since there are MWR phones that the soldiers can use for free on the FOBs. The only pro the cells had were convenience, no waiting in lines, etc. Well, they have been there almost a month and they STILL don’t have MWR phones. No internet, no phones. Nothing. They don’t even have a shoppette yet; I have to send all his hygiene items from here. I am pretty laid back about such things, but I have to admit that their lack of even basic services kind of annoys me. It isn’t like they just aren’t able to host those things there, they just haven’t gotten them, and who knows when (or if) they will. It just seems wrong that these soldiers are in a war zone and have little means available to call home. Calling home is a major boost for the morale of soldiers, not to mention the families, and the fact that the soldiers have to pay out the ass for that seems almost morally wrong. It is certainly not that I expect to hear from him every day, because I most definately don’t expect that. But I am lucky if I hear from him for more than a couple minutes in 2 weeks.
I usually handle the separations pretty well, but this one has been harder than most. I think part of that is just due to the fact that the last year and a half (since he came home from the last deployment) has been a really emotional and hard time. A good portion of that year and a half, he was gone, too, in one place or another. I am feeling pretty lost these days, with no one to lean on and it is hard. It is hard to fix that in 2 minute phone conversations with a man halfway around the world. Because I know how limited our time is, I hate trying to bring things up, knowing I have only a couple minutes, and end up holding it all in, which makes it that much harder on me. So here I am, feeling all the more alone and lost. So what do I do? I wish I knew. I know I could write a letter about these things, but some things are just more easily fixed when talking than in letters that can take days or weeks in a single direction. So that puts me right back in the same postition and feeling completely alone.